Happened this month: Triplet #2, who met his girlfriend at my Lexapros and Cons book release party, got engaged. Suz G., who met her boyfriend on my old site Ruminations.com, got married. Moral of the story: if you hang around me long enough, you will meet the one. (Except for me, who's still single...)
Congrats to @AndyRoddick on accomplishing my dream of retiring at thirty and marrying a supermodel.
Every Super PAC sounds like a fake charity George Costanza would make up.
Reaching World Series + Banging Kate Upton? Justin Verlander should win Man of the Year. Not Sports Illustrated; Time Magazine.
Ryan, just wish Michelle Obama a happy anniversary and get the fuck out.
Day 69 of sobriety. 21 days to go. Last night I had a wet dream... about vodka.
In honor of Columbus Day, be a total dick to complete strangers.
Moved to LA seven years ago today. I celebrated by doing yoga and still hating the fucking Lakers.
Single women are like a preseason football game – it may seem like they’re trying to score, but really they just don’t want to get hurt.
Shermdog is getting married in Mexico next weekend. He just told me the dress code is "island chic" except he spelled it "sheik" like iron sheik. He is a renowned surgeon. #idiotfriends
Romney's flag pin is huge. The extra stripes are for Bermuda and the Cayman Islands.
Instead of writing a post about how you've been too busy to update your blog, just delete your fucking blog.
1) Write random number on chest with marker. 2) Run 26.2 miles in any direction. #DIYmarathon
I'm doing Tough Mudder in a few weeks. Who's done it? Any advice? Right now I'm most excited about the Dos Equis at the end.
ESPN officially loses its mind; names women's soccer victory 5th most dramatic sports moment OF ALL TIME????
Taking a moment to remember all the deer and people who died to make Ray Lewis' journey possible.
Received a noise complaint after cheering the Giants victory. Sorry, penalty declined.