Um back. The night. BBC1 Scoatland 1035pm. Be there, or be an idiot. Dinny be an idiot. Watch it. Me, watch me, aye. Dae it. Aye. Sound.
If everyin in Scotland breathes in at the right time then aw the wind ul be gone- simple. #garysaysthehingsthatotherswinny
D'ye hink when the army started it wiz jist one guy? N folk were like 'Stevie' calm doon!
"as the low pressure moves in from the atlantic" AH DINNAE CARE ABOOT "THE PRESSURE", IS MA ROOF GONNAE STAY OAN?!
Whit aboot that wee laddie gittin death threats cos he jumped in the pool funny. Shockin! Just you jump in how you want wee Man! #Olympics
You git 'fun size pack' n 'family pack' whit aboot 'ragin hangover pack' or 'um pure starvin pack' or 'ah dinny need tae justify masel pack'
How is it that the human gits a medal when thir RIDIN A HORSE! BET the horses are ragin. They look ragin. #Raginhorses
Big shout oot tae aw the grannies currently up in the air!
Congratulations tae any radge thit passed any exam or even if ye didnae it doesnae matter...cos.. ehm...the Olympics are oan! Welcomes!
If Scotland does go Independent I want tae see mare sunshine and less tracksuits.
They should introduce a 'leggings licence' we aw ken why. N if there wiz, there wid be a loat ay lassies oot there breakin the law. Shockin.
"expect strong winds" Brilliant, n whits yir lottery prediction ya bam radge weather numpty?! #tellmesuttinahdinnyken
Imagine.....'TOWIF' THE ONLY WAY IS FIFE. OH-MY-GARY-GOD!........somebody gee me a call aboot this. Seriosleh.
The word 'tatoo' in latin means: you'll regret that dolphin. #fact
Aye. But imagine they'd turned it intae ah foam perty. #olympicopening
Imagine you hud shoes made fae croakadile skin but the croakadile wisnae deed yet? n yir feet started snappin n that. Imagine? Snappeh! Snap
3 minutes in a microwave, 30 minutes in the oven. If ah wiz an oven maker I wid seriously up ma game. #garywarnsovenmakers
Ma toap tip the day is if yir huvin a bad mornin, jist....deal wi it. Could be worse- you could be a penguin gittin chased oaf a big whale.
A microwave is actually when you just gee someone a wee wave really quickly. #fact
"These boots are made for walking"- I ken, thir walkin boots! Hen, away n stand in the dark n huv a word wi yirlsel. Naw, further away.
A granny just hit ma windae but she's away noo, there's wiz nuhin ah kid day- she's looked like she wiz enjoyin it #flygrannyfly