Excellent background work in Dante's Peak (1997): vine.co/v/hmpz3LQgFnw
Googled "how much does it cost to buy a nuclear warhead," then got paranoid and Googled "i am a comedy writer," too, just to cover my ass.
If I had to choose between spending an hour in a Forever 21 or a year in Nazi Germany, I'd be like, "What year?"
The Internet is the worst thing that ever happened to writers. Way to make your work machine and procrastination machine THE SAME MACHINE.
Community forever, 100 years, Community! Every minute, Community dot com, www, 100 times, Community dot com!
Let's talk about sex, baby / Let's talk about G-O-D / Let's talk about how enraged by our impure acts He will be
I know some of you are anxiously awaiting @nbccommunity news. Just remember: whatever happens, you & everyone you know will eventually die.
If Art Garfunkel never existed and you named a character "Art Garfunkel," people would be like, "OK, make it a real-sounding name, though."
Always remember: your value as a human being has nothing to do with favs or RTs or followers. It has to do with adjusted gross income.
Wait...were those Libyans all killed when they drove into the photo stand? Because if not, Doc & Marty are still fucked
"The Nazis smurfed 6 million Jews." -Smurf history textbook
Every time God closes a door, his mom is like, "WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT SLAMMING DOORS?" and God is like, "I DIDN'T EVEN SLAM IT!!!"
COOL THINGS ABOUT JANUARY 2, 2014: • my favorite show returns to NBC at 8/7c, after more than 1½ years! • I got to write for it! • Pizza(?)
If you feel bad for the guys who created Superman and then got stiffed by DC Comics, just THINK of the poor schmuck who made up God!
Where was E.T. shitting? In the closet with the stuffed animals, I bet.